This Is Why You Want People You Can’t Have

Transparent Violet Flowers
Remove a root desire for unrequited love with this awareness technique.

Let’s say you walk down an icy sidewalk and slip and fall…. Ouch! You decide to be CAREFUL to NEVER walk down an icy sidewalk AGAIN without good traction.

See what you did there?

Pain made you AWARE and you IMMEDIATELY and PERMANENTLY ended that pain cycle. Now you know it won’t happen again. Problem solved!

But what if you numb your pain?

Let’s say you drink a glass of milk and the milk gives you a headache. Pain in the form of a headache is the ENERGY FORCE needed to MOTIVATE you to LOOK FOR THE CAUSE of the headache and REMOVE the cause of pain from your life.

But instead of feeling the pain, you take A PAIN RELIEVER every time you get a headache. Uh-oh….

Avoiding or numbing your pain is how humans get trapped in long term suffering.

As you continue to take pain relievers, your dairy headaches eventually turn into excruciating migraine headaches, your face breaks out, and you become unbearably angry. You think these are three separate, random events that occur for NO REASON AT ALL.

A friend says to you, “Maybe you have a dairy allergy.” You reply, “No, I’ve been drinking milk my whole life. Milk is healthy. I love milk. IT CAN’T BE THE MILK!

You are now in so much pain from your milk allergy that you desperately grasp for any kind of PLEASURE to counteract your intense pain. You acquired a taste for milk, so now you drink milk for pleasure and comfort in order to COVER UP your pain.

You use the very thing that CAUSES you pain to NUMB your pain.

You have now developed an ADDICTION to dairy. And you can’t stop. Dairy doesn’t love YOU but you continue to love DAIRY. You are now officially hooked on UNREQUITED LOVE.

Trying to cover up pain is how ALL TOXIC ADDICTIONS are born.

Let’s say you fall in love with a classmate in 3rd grade. This is the girl of YOUR DREAMS. You write her a beautiful love letter and give it to her along with a box of candy. You can’t WAIT to make her your girlfriend!

But she doesn’t have the same feelings for you. And she makes that clear to you in her own way.

Instead of feeling your heartbreak, you stuff your pain inside and find ways to distract yourself from the pain of rejection.

In middle school, the same thing happens again. This time, you have a new crush. You ask her out on a date but she rejects you. Then it happens again and again in high school and college….

Why does EVERYONE reject you?

It isn’t that everyone rejects you. It’s that you ONLY WANT people who reject you. Instead of seeking MUTUAL love from people who are capable of love, you developed an ADDICTION to unrequited love.

You think life is CRUEL because you can’t have what you WANT. But do you REALLY want it?

Why do you ONLY WANT what you CAN’T HAVE? Why do you only want what is going to HURT you?

There’s a reason why you want things and people that reject or hurt you again and again….

Your buried pain is trying to COMPLETE itself.

Your buried pain keeps trying to RELIVE itself over and over again in your life with IRRESISTIBLE DESIRE until you finally FEEL your pain.

Remember the milk? When you FULLY EXPERIENCE your pain instead of numbing it or ignoring it, your pain provides the ENERGY FORCE needed to MOTIVATE you to LOOK FOR THE CAUSE of pain and REMOVE that cause from your life.

You keep trying to RELIVE the painful experience over and over until you finally realize you DON’T WANT the cause of pain and you never did! When you realize you DON’T WANT the cause of pain, you can finally LET IT GO and replace it with something that makes you feel GOOD, not bad.

If you can’t FULLY FEEL your pain, you can get trapped in a ROOT PATTERN OF SUFFERING. You can get trapped in a vicious cycle of TOXIC ADDICTION to NUMB the pain which is CAUSED by the addiction itself.

One last thing:

Unrequited Love – loving people who don’t love you – is a way to avoid REAL LOVE. If you always love people who don’t love you, you never have to OPEN YOUR HEART to real love. Humans are SNEAKY like that.

Real love triggers the pain of buried fears and buried emotions so you can integrate them and experience REAL passion and REAL intimacy with a REAL person who REALLY loves you. Real love DISSOLVES addictions to unrequited false love. But with real love, you’re at risk for REAL hurt. OUCH! No wonder humans tend to avoid real love.

Real love isn’t easy either!

But real love is WORTH the challenges while unrequited false love only creates a lot of pointless suffering.

Relationship drama ENHANCES real love while it demolishes false love. That’s what the drama is for!

Real love or a false addiction? How do you know which is which?

Real love is only possible with enlightenment which brings out your TRUE, AUTHENTIC heart. Every other love is just an act that ends in disappointment or pointless suffering.

Sometimes people need to suffer over and over from false love before they finally have the guts for real love.

Daily Practice Instructions

Please read these instructions before starting the Daily Practice.

  • You can journal, talk it out, create art, or SAFELY EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS any way you’d like.
  • Focus on ONE issue at a time to keep it simple.
  • Expect RESISTANCE to this daily practice! Resistance can take the form of being too busy, overwhelmed, or confused to do the Daily Practice.
  • It generally takes 3 – 6 weeks to DEPROGRAM from POWERFUL SOCIAL CONDITIONING that trains you to numb, escape, distrust, or be afraid of your feelings.
  • When you complete a full round of questions, you should feel AMAZING. If you don’t feel absolutely AMAZING, your issue has not yet been integrated.
  • Just one round of questions can help you feel better IMMEDIATELY. Feeling a little better allows you to go deeper into your issue each day until it’s FULLY INTEGRATED and you FEEL FABULOUS.

Daily Practice

Remove a root desire for unrequited love with this awareness technique.

  1. Think of people you gave your heart to before they opened their heart to you. Then list all the ways this desire gives you PLEASURE.
  2. Now list the ways this desire makes you SUFFER. Take your time. Can you allow yourself to fully feel your pain?
  3. If you can FULLY FEEL your pain to completion, you will realize you DON’T WANT that desire and you never did. You want SOMETHING ELSE. What do you REALLY want INSTEAD of unrequited love?
  4. What can you do to EXPERIENCE what you REALLY want instead?

Daily Practice Example

  1. Think of people you gave your heart to before they opened their heart to you. Then list all the ways this desire gives you PLEASURE. I like finding someone I’m chemically attracted to and making that person MINE. It makes me feel powerful and desirable.
  2. Now list the ways this desire makes you SUFFER. Take your time. Can you allow yourself to fully feel your pain? Being rejected hurts. It makes me question my self-worth and capabilities. It makes me distrust people or settle for people I don’t really love.
  3. If you can FULLY FEEL your pain to completion, you will realize you DON’T WANT that desire and you never did. You want SOMETHING ELSE. What do you REALLY want INSTEAD of unrequited love? I REALLY want someone I’m chemically attracted to who is ALSO chemically attracted to ME.
  4. What can you do to EXPERIENCE what you REALLY want instead? I can open my heart slowly and carefully to someone I’m interested in pursuing, to make sure the feelings are mutual and to make sure my heart is safe with that person.